New semester

My new semester is coming next week Monday. Gosh i still feel that my holidays are short. Anyway, back to reality once again, and i myself seem to be a little too excited about the whole thing although there are circumstances that i might be willing to take, but hey, i'm used to it. :) I just don't have any ideas for tomorrow's new year, all i can think about is wanting to see him again. I'm in love. :). And in a way that my clubbing behaviors are seemed to tone down bit by bit. Well, i don't smoke anymore, not that i'm off permanently, its just, i used to be a heavy smoker, to social smoker, back to heavy and back to social smoker..So its not that easy to stop once i'm a smoker. The urge to smoke is still there but i'm trying my best to control it. i just need something to chew when i feel the need to smoke. A chewing gum perhaps? haha

Drinking?? well its obviously a no no for me anymore. No more beer or liquor, but just wine, white wine that is. Not red but white. Taking things slow and perhaps this habit of mine will disappear one by one. :) white wine is really sophisticated, its not heavy, it will not make you drunk and it is really sweet. But hey, alcohol is still alcohol. am i right?

How did i end up with these extreme socializing life? friends perhaps? being influenced? family members? Well, first of all it was because of television, and a very open minded high socializing cousins and friends, so yea.. that's it. I was being introduced to that kind of world at a very young age. Unbelievable.. xD

friends? being changing friends since i first start making friends.. due to their unskeptical behavior for which i would never understand their wants and needs. Alas i found out that friends who has the same understanding of life and their wants and needs is actually the butter for me. Because i'm the bread and bread needs butter. :)

Sugar, spice, and everything nice? well i'm certainly not everything nice, i'm the between sugar and spice. So yea, i could be the angel and also the demon. Hahaha, talk about figment of an imagination. ;P

Yea i talk alot, and some people mind, and some don't. And i still don't get it why they mind it so much. Is it because i'm making alot of noises or stories? Noises yes, stories no.. because what i tell people is what i experienced . Although i'm not good at what i do in that story but hey, is it wrong to tell them that you did all those stuff at a very young age? No right.. that is why i said, i've been introduced to alot of stuff at a very small age. And yea, i know alot. But it doesn't mean that what i know is relevantly true in facts right? i just tell base on what i understand so just go right ahead and correct me if i'm wrong. :)

I'm not judgmental, although i could judge a person's reaction, attitude and behavior base on their actions, dressing, the way they talk, their voice and etc... because i am really good in noticing the small details about that person. (Talk about detail oriented), * sigh *... :)

Typing

Its been such a wonderful life for me. I've a new man.. ;) i've a new life and i've a whole new body.. ;D. What more?? but just a simple thank you to god and alhamdullillah that the hole in my heart has finally disappeared. Talking about express freak. Yea, i find it quick for me to get healed from the heart break, although i did expect that i may be recovering in a very quick pace, but i have no idea that it happened really quick. ( on the phone with syg for 10 minutes.... ) ok back to blogging, xD. Had a date with jai on the 27th of december in klcc. And for the first time in my life i went to the " taman " in klcc. Kesian kan, hahaha. And so we dated there. There are alot of couples too. So hey its not awkward. xD.. And to my surprised we were at the same height. Serious!! sama nie tinggi kami, although he's a 165++ i'm a 164 cm. Hahaha, tinggi cket jaaaa.. xD

Finally i have something to get over with this " rindu " by having his MU scarf around me. I used to be a chelsea, but hey, The heart is always to MU.. uuuuwaaaaaaa!! xD

Thank god i'm used to these long distance relationship. So yea, he's lucky to have me and i am lucky to have him too. Where can you find a pure loving heart these days?? am i right.

I've becoming skinnier, due to the excessive jogging i did in kk for the whole one month. But my weight is still the same, the fat turns back to my muscle i once have a long long time ago.. :) cool~ so yea, i've become smaller.

I miss him.. :) i want him beside me. I wanna hug him because he's like a bit chubby chubby.. hehe.. but sdh tone down, but i still can hug him because he's like so cuddly.. :)

I love you jai~
:)

Currently having my new life right now

Base on the title of this story, Its about me who is going through my new life.
I'm literally taking baby steps on it. Putting my knowledge of what i've learned and experienced from my past life into my very own new life. :).. i kinda enjoyed being able to go through those remarkably dreadful past, but hey, sooner or later i need to move on right. Forget the past and live on in the future :).

Family are my utmost priority. They are the ones who will always be there for me when i'm down.. :)

Well, firstly, congratulations to me i got into DL ( dean list ) for my previous final. And i need to keep it up until my third year in university. Second, i have made clear plans of what i've wanted in my future and i am going to strive it hard to get it, Although there will be hard work waiting for me, i am always prepared to go through anything. Thirdly, I found someone new, someone who i can count on, someone who really knows and willing to learn about life and his partner, someone who is REALLY devoted in a relationship. Insyallah that everything will go ok.. amin~ :)

All this is just the beginning of my new life, and i will make my future crystal clear. Because i am stronger then before, smarter then before, faster then before, and mature then before. Sometimes ego will take its toll on me, but i've learned from my mistakes, and sometimes we need to reconsider other peoples opinions. But i have reasons to be and egoistic and i am proud of it. :)

Things are actually getting pretty much GOOD when everything is over between me and that scumbag xD.. And i hope these good things continues on rising.. :) amin~

Ruzaini Haron you made me complete!.. :) thank you sayang~ I fall in love with your personality, behavior, attitude, ability, maturity, humour, and your kindness.. You're a good person, and i respect that. :) A person with strong ability's and mental will have a bright future.. :) keep on going sayang, i will always be your top supporter xD..

Friends are always there for me. Although the ones who are friends with me during high school are mostly gone, but new friends tend to show their worthiness and trustfulness to be a part of my life. And i thank you for all the support you've given me :)..

So... i need to keep on moving on until i reached my destination in life.. :)

So stay tune:
Deekay~

Alhamdulillah

My results.. and alhamdulillah, i passed with flying colours. Although there were tons of hardship and problems occurred throughout the semester and also during my finals, But there are always a reason behind all those things, that keep me going on without things keeping me back from reaching my goals. And i am going to keep on going forward and moving on to achieve my future that i longed for. I am trying my best to keep ahead from fucked up things. I thank Allah S.W.T, For giving me the strength to endure all the " cabaran and dugaan " and also to give me strength to keep my studies strong. Alhamdulillah, and terimah kasih Ya Allah. :). And not to forget my family, for supporting me, giving me advice and strength to go through all those hardship. And also to my friends.. who is always there for me when i'm in trouble, sad, down and etc.. I love you guys!! xD

A new feeling, A new set of behavior and the unlimited experience learning by me :)

Break ups, Betrayal, Deceived, Lied to, Back stabbed, Psycho ed at, and etc... I've experience almost each and everything. And, i have grown out of it. I actually feel lucky that i've been mostly involved in this negative impacts. Most people would just go berserk over it. But not me, Hell yea not me. I analyse it, learn from it and make my own rules about it. By doing so, i've become alot stronger then before. The old me was like, quiet, just follow people around and what they say just to make them happy, Does not have that high self esteem level like my new self and being stepped on the head. That was the old me. The new me is much more different then the old me. But i am still impressed with the old me because she could withstand those impacts for god damn 3 years of high school. And to sum it all up, she found away to handle these types of people.

Last week was the most fuckiest ( my new word xD ) day ever. Not week, that last week was just an impression. Anyway, was having these reunion thingy with my old schoolmates, whom i have not met for the past 2 years. And so yea got to meet'em all, But it was awkward. Fucking awkward!! To me its like i'm invisible, tp drg yg beria ria yg mau buat, tnya aku bila mau buat, tmpt pa smua. Fine~ And so, what i noticed is that, they never changed, i could still see that immature behavior of them. I thought they've grown out from it, But sadly no. Still treating me the same, Ignoring me.. Fine~ And so, luckily, kevin was in malaysia at the moment. He too just came back from aussie for the past 2 years, and he's like god damn friendly!! being friends with him since primary school. And he is just mature and open. And so, luckily he called me! asked me whether to hang out or something, and in my freakin' head i said yes, yes i need to get out from here. And so, i said goodbye to them and went to kevin's place instead. I lost alot of time hanging out with those retards.

Really need to buy a new bag. My old one koyak ody.. and i managed to stitch it up, but sadly the bag koyak lg. haih! i really love that bag. Oh well, its just a casual bag where i always bring it everywhere with me. Simple yet elegant. :).. Need to find a replacement for that bag A.S.A.P!!!

I always though that i am mature when i was in high school, pro found by the blind love that is coming in and out from me. And each and every relationship i had though me new things and from that pin point, i made a simple conclusion, Which made me (present) well aware of my surroundings. Right now then i understand what is meant to be mature and right now is where i realized and believed that maturity will not give you the bump on your head unless you've experienced life. Whether is love or general, each and every experience is precious. And i thank you for those people for giving me those experiences, Even though they are one fucked up assholes who can't live a proper life. Dumbass!! xD

These new feelings, behaviors are just the beginning of my life and future. Although they are still more things to learn, We'll just learn it on the way to achieve the greatest goal in our life. :) A new life and future, starts with a new behavior that has been polished by experiences in life. :)

So stay tune;
Deekay~

OVER SENSITIF

Our topic for today is over sensitivity. Its weird when when i write something out from my feelings with no ill intention, I got blamed for saying BAD THINGS about that person. Hahaha!! Its kinda funny~ because, why does he still has feelings about it?? Weird huh? -_-... Its also weird why he still keeps on "Putar belit" things or circumstances?? I mean, its been OVER for about more then a month now, And he still keeps on grudging. Tsk,tsk.. Biasa la dasar lelaki penipu BESAR, Buaya darat, and suka buat2 cerita Oh and one more, KUAT PERASAN!! My new blog this time is not about oh what i did or boast around of what i'm doing and etc... My blog this time, is all about what i feel without any ill intentions. Hey~ its a free country dude, and i can write whatever i want. Yo i'm 20 going on 21, I'm not like you bitch or should i say giggolo. You really pissed me of. Is that what you want? to make me angry? to make me sakit hati? so that you boleh menang besaaar?? itu kaaaa?? PUNYALA KEBUDAK BUDAKAN. Eyh, you're in college right now, so out aside those attitude. Be mature for once in awhile dumbass. Like i said, i don't speak this rude on people, but when i'm being rude, it means i hate you. Get it? No la, i don't hate your girl, because, i know her feelings, and i'm not gonna be like her by spoiling other people's relationship. Hey, i've gone through alot, and i know what she feels right now, so i'll just give her the chance to be happy with someone who she really loves right?? On the other hand, you BOY, tsk, tsk, jgn harap la aku mau baik sm kau lg. After all the things you did to me. You took my own precious thing to me that can never be replaced. You swore on God's name that you will take care of it, But you didin't. So you, are going to pay the price asshole. Oe and, don't think that i do not know those things that you are doing in college. Ckp jak ada masa gelap dgn dadah, tp ambiiil jgk. Who to blame?? not me.. okayh. But hell, i don't care about you anymore, because i am not responsible for you anymore. Susah bha nie org kalau kuat perasan nie.. cepat terasa. Even kalau org tu ckp bnda lain or ckp bukan psl dia, dia terasa jgk. Mau kasian pun nda guna. Oe and, i mmg sedar about my keburukkan, like what i'm ego, self centered, like going clubbing, raising my voice?? i don't appreciate what people give me?? hahahaha!! hey common, a person needs her ego dude, and i got to control it too, all thanks to you by the way, and being self centered is important for me, so that, itu la dia, phm2 la. Klau nda phm, meh cni i explain cket, kalau tidaaak, itu la tu, kena pijak kepala, CURANG sn cni, MENIPU sn cni. Kalau tdk sefl centered, mcm mn mau tgkp org tu menipu?? haaaaa ko pikir sendiri la BOY. Well, about club, ko tgk diri ko bha dulu.. At least i know when to stop! Raising my voice?? i told you countless of time, ada time you can kacau me or kol me and ada time you mmg tdk boleh kacau me! Tp kol jgk, nda phm bahasa ka?? dan2 kena marah.. naaaaa baru ko tau!! tdk appreciate org?? sepa yg nda appreciate org nie skrg?? huh?? nda respect?? SEPA dulu yg nda respect each other?? huh??!! Klau sdh kantoi curang fiiiiiiiirst time tu, that is DISRESPECTING, so.. sepa yg start disrespect dulu?? its hard for me to respect you sdh.. bcz ENGKAU NIE BAGAI KAN TAHI BAGI KUUUU~ Who asked you to pissed me off. Bagus2 sdh keadaan tenang, aman damai, tiba2 cr hal. haih.. you never learn. Sdh la ko. malas sdh aku sm ko. And another reminder, my blog this time, this new blog, is about my feelings of life, niat i bukan utk kasi buruk2 ko hantu! ko ingat ko tu diva?? palui.. ada otak tp pikir lain2 pula.. that is why you are stuck with the same problems over and over again.

So anyway,
Yea, stay tune
Deekay~

New Breath~

Everything seems to fly by so fast and we did not even notice how we've changed over the time. Pretty much i am quite over by my previous meaningless relationship. I was dumb, young and childish back then who keeps on thinking about love, love and love. Who accepts anyone by never knowing their ill intention towards me. I was quite thrown back against the wall when the person who taught me alot of things suddenly disappeared from the misty relationship i had once before. It was misty because there was no connection between the both of us although it was a 2 years and 10 month relationship. And what i noticed and learn about him was that, he is still caught up from he's past which he would never let it go. Made him crazy, psycho and nuts. And that is where i learned alot about guys, not just from my guy friends, but i owe it to him for showing it to me. But telling and showing it to me was he's BIGGEST mistake, from using the pin point of he's fact i used it against him, and aghast, He's the type of guy of which i could never trust, but would give my love to him due to he's lonely-ness issue. Since the beginning of our relationship, i never did trust him.

And so, bla bla bla. I've started a new breath for me. That special someone made me the happiest girl alive! xD. I owe it to him for bringing me back on my feet. Although i was already on my feet but he brought me to a newer stage, a stage that i have never met before. It would be impossible for me to like another guy from what i experienced from my previous relationship. But God gave us love, and maybe this is my luck or just a figment of my imagination that influences my feelings. Who knows, but i'll just keep on following the flow. This time i'm gonna take it slow and easy, don't rush things, analyze and evaluate carefully on this one. Because i am not gonna let history repeat it self over and over again. I've had enough of that fairy tale love that was never true from the beginning. Well, just hope that the person feels the same as i am. I can't ask much, because we may never know the outcome. But keep on holding tight to it because it might be the chances that we really want. I just want a person who understands life as i do. Mature and understands the concept of living life in reality. I'm just tired of those people who keeps on enjoying, enjoying and enjoying due to either, they'll never "SEDAR" or just pure culture shock. Pity-ing about them is so not the issue, but rather observing them and make analysis about them so that, when we meet the same people of their kind, its easier to explain it to them so that they realize their doing.

I am leading a new life here people. And i'm loving it. And i owe it to Allah S.W.T, my family and that "Special" Person whom i dearly knew for just a week ago.. :).
I just hope that in the future we have something going on.. who knows right. ;)

Till then:
Deekay~