An optimist

Sometimes I wonder, Why did I did that?  Am i that stupid?  Am I that desperate?  Am that lonely?  Why did I do that?

I wish that i could turn back time and fix everything.  Fix who were my friends back then, Fix to not give up, Fix to think twice, Fix everything.  But sadly I can't. If there were ways for me to go back to the past, and live and breath in the past with my mental and memory of the past, I....will.....fix ................everything.  

If I were back in the past, I will not quit Rhythmic gymnastics, I will work harder and achieve more in that favorite sport of mine.  If I were back in the past I will not only take up Piano lessons, I will take violin as well, knowing that I have the passion to play the violin.  If I were back in the past, I will work hard to achieve what I want more.  If I were back in the past, I will change my friends, and have better childhood friends.  If I were back in the past, I will do anything to achieve what I want.  If I were back in the past, I will not have boyfriends who are assholes, temperate bastards, fucking idiots and a whole bunch of motherfuckers who take advantage of me and who don't even know how to appreciate me.  If I were back in the past, I will not follow my friends applying for UiTM but to go overseas and pursue my studies there.  If I were back in the past, I will have good and better friends and If I were back in the past, I will not give up easily.

All those things that I've said, Is what I live in misery about.  The only thing that I do not want to change is how I met my soon to be husband, Muhammad Ruzaini Haron a.k.a Jai.  I do not want to change how we met.  I do not want to change the fact that we met 3 years and 6 month ago.  I do not want to change how I've fallen in love with you.  I do not want to change the fact that you and I are meant for each other.  I love you.  And that is all that matters to me.

Then again, everything happens for a reason.  And that made me realize how it shapes me up mentally and physically, and how it made me prepare for the journey that I have been in for such a long time.  I've gotten the experience enough to make my own decisions, and I have learnt many lessons that made me who I am today.  

Yes some of you may say that I am harsh, sarcastic, quiet, loud, happy, friendly and distant.  Because that is what I endure 22 years ago.  And now at the age of 24, I am happily being who I am, an optimist.

Well said,

Till then,

Stay tune.