MY FUTURE

My future is already set
My future is finding the right person for me
I plan on keeping that one forever
This future tells me that i am going to have a perfect husband
My future tells me that i would be doing what i love in life
This future tells me to keep my dreams and opition open
In my future i am going to be a great mother
This future tells me already that i am going to have the man i've always wanted
My future is just perfect....
My future

Still i rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise

We're through

Waken up this morning
I notice you're not on my mind
Seems I feel lighter
Than I've felt in a long cold time
Wondering why I'm not empty
When I come face to face with you
Well I think I got that answer
We're through
It's over now, you're out of my head
Like getting over a sickness
Realizing I'm not dead
Don't need your pictures on my wall
No waiting around for any of your calls
It's over now, got to say I'm glad
Can't even remember the laughs we had
Want to know what it means to be over you
Living free
Being me
We're through

A beginning of a new life

Its been more then a month now, since it started. Drama, drama,drama,drama.. BULLSHIT!! I really hate it when those things starts! Anyway, i'm in KK right now. Kinda miss everything in KL, but i really need to go back to kk to find my strength and my inner self.

As all of you notice, yes i am not with " HIM " anymore, due to his, culture shock attitude yg mau ENJOY jak. All i know is that, those girls he's been playing with are just he's toys, and he's current ones are just to keep up his "NAFSU", or he's so called "REVENGE". I can do anything i want, because twas not me who ruined the 2 years and 10 month relationship. And so, why i said i can do anything i want, its because, i'm single, i have a better life then him, a good education results and all the things that have happened to me. I thank Allah S.W.T, for it. :)

Bak kata ooi, Abaikan.. xD. And so, i finally have the peace and serenity i wanted. No more jiwa kacau, no more dipaksa layan, no more heart wrenching problems and etc. I have friends, and all of them are real and true friends which i noticed recently. And now i know what friends are for, and how do we keep them.. :), before this my friends were like.. nauzubillah, hanya allah je yg tau niat drg.

This week is where i would stay at home first, be calm, enjoy the tranquility and be myself. This is where i would pick up one by one of my mistakes and analyze it. Well, i know myself, and this time, i need to take actions earlier rather then to let it be concluded to a bad ending. :).. Just as i expected, a girls instinct never goes wrong. :).. I am taking extra precaution steps now, so don't be surprised why i'm being so strict. Because, that is who i am.

I just love this song love story meets viva la vida by John Schmidt. Really enjoyed. Its like a song for the beginning of my new life!

I just notice that i have lots of friends who cared for me, the ones that i never expected to care, actually did care for me. I was overwhelmed, but it was the moment of truth and i really am thankful of the strength they give me.

And so the beat of life has just started to move. And this is just the beginning, and its not the end yet.. So live life to its fullest, and experience everything when you have the chance to do it.

LIFE MUST GOES ON

I am in my room here in damansara. The eyes are sleepy, but i was tempted to do this while i have the chance to do it.

Its been the past 4 month since my stay as a degree student. And in that four month is where everything happened from heaven... to hell.

Assignments, presentations, reports, tests and quizzes are being quite the " killing machine ". I just go with the flow, and alas, made it till the end. However, things don't turn out great for me, and there's a twist in my heaven. Things started to crumble slowly, and i noticed that, yes i may have to lose someone dearly to me for the sake of my goal and my accomplishment of what i have to do.

God wants me to see that, achieving what i wanted is not that easy, and there's just things that should be learned before you give full commitment on the things you want. Sometimes, without knowing the experiences of your commitments may kill you~

And so, the relationship that i had holding for the past 2 years and 10 month, has ended. If you say whose fault is this, well both of us are at fault, but he seems to be blinded of my gift to foresee his REAL AND TRUE intentions. Knowing it silently, made me perceive that the world is a challenging place to live. And little does he know he just turned me into a dangerous weapon against him.

I know that little and vicious intention he wants from he's " Time alone ". Although there are positive and negative side but. I can't risk the chances because. He's like giving me hope but at the same time killing my feelings with his words. I'M NOT STUPID. And so, i don't know if this is dugaan, or cabaran, but whatever it is, i want to forget him and live my life as i wish. And also, to have the strength to break through this situation. All your sweet talks and lies will never be deceived by me anymore. Because, something wrong somewhere, but don't know where. that is your mistake. Like wise man said, org akan menjadi buta dgn bnda yg ada di dpn mata drg. Encode it, translate it, decode it and assign meaning to it. You'll understand and realize that someday, you are gonna get your " balasan ". Because, i have seen it coming, due to your continuous attitude, i can see that you are going to be paid for your sins. you just wait and see. What we want doesn't always have to be given just like that through what you prayed for. Sometimes, what we prayed for will be given to us physically. And that is when the table starts to turn. In order to achieve what you prayed for, you must understand, and feel the things you did to others.

Even though it pains me for knowing your intention silently, but, this is what i have to go through to achieve what i prayed for.

If you are reading this, and i don't doubt that you do..

You just have to face the consequences. Because, anything could happen. you said you want to correct the things you did in your life, well then, you'll see, feel and understand someday that what you want isn't exactly in the form that you expected. :)

Till then:

Deekay~